Granny

Granny aka Irene Campbell entered this world on July 16, 1930 and she left us on New Year's Eve, 2012.  The word that I can best use to describe Granny is "humble".  She was the type of person who would never ever make her needs known.  She lived a very simple life.  She was born in Syracuse, New York.  She was the youngest of seven children.  Her father was a farmer.  Her mother left the family when she was just a small child.  Her father unable to provide care to the young children placed Granny and her next two youngest siblings in foster care.  During the Fall of 2011 when Granny lived in our home we had many late night talks and she shared some details of her childhood with me.  She was often abused and neglected.  She described to me being in one foster home which had biological children.  She said the family had parties and would serve "a huge spread of food".   She said she and the other foster children would just be given bread and sent to an upstairs room and that they could not participate in the party. She described walking in feet deep snow as a child to carry papers for a paper route.  She had a very limited education.  She knew poverty as a child.  She told me that she left foster care as soon as she was able.  She lived with several different sisters and ended up in Arizona.

She married and gave birth to Billy and his sister Carolyn in San Diego.  Their father was in the Navy there.  They divorced shortly after.  Billy was three or four years old and his sister one year younger.   Granny never ever remarried.  She said that she would never put a man before her children. Granny never drove a car.  She had no job skills.  Last night between sobs Billy said to me that his mother "could make anything out of nothing".  He told me they often had flour and water pancakes for dinner.  He has described to me how one Christmas Eve the mailman came to the door to deliver mail and noted that Granny was crying.  She was crying because she had no toys to give her children for Christmas.  The mailman returned with used toys for them.  Billy has told me that in one apartment they lacked heat.  He said their bedroom was actually a back porch.  He and his mother and sister all shared a bed.  He told me that they would go to sleep as soon as it was dark so that they would stay warm.  Billy has told me that during middle school his shoes became so torn that he could no longer wear them.  The school discovered why he was missing school and bought him his first ever pair of penny loafers complete with a shiny penny.  He told me how proud he was of those shoes.  He tells me of having only one pair of jeans at one point in his life.  He said his mother washed them out in the bathtub every night so that he would be clean the next day.  Billy has detailed his mother taking in neighbor's laundry and ironing  for fifteen cents a piece to try and provide for him and his sister.  Billy has told me that they were not allowed to go into a store unless they had money to make a purchase.  He said Granny felt that it was wrong.  He said on Sunday they would walk and "window shop" so that they could see the items in the stores. Later in Billy's teenage years he has told me that Granny got a job pumping gasoline near their home.  He told me she worked very long hours for basically pennies.   He has always refused to accept money when people have tried to pay him for helping them.  He always says "My Mom told me not to take money from people when I do something for them".  I have heard him say this many times.  I could tell more but this hopefully gives a clear picture of the life they led. Billy has told me that would not trade his childhood for anything in the entire world. It has made him who he is today.  He had a mother's love - Granny's love.

We have also known Granny's love.  My life and that of my children have been blessed by having her in our lives.  She played a major role in helping Billy to raise Rachel.  When Billy and I married she graciously welcomed us into their family.  She told me one day that she had told Billy that she "would not have to worry about him anymore because she knew that I would take care of him".  Yes, Granny I have and I will continue to take care of your son.  She loved my Thomas.  He would go to her house after school and she would make sure he started on his homework. Andrea spent much time with Granny and Rachel prior to Billy and me getting married. Andrea LOVED Granny's lemon chicken.  Andrea always said, "Granny, when are you going to make me some lemon chicken?"  Granny would always laugh.  In Granny's last days at the nursing home she was hallucinating and seeing Andrea and Rachel as teenagers.  She told me they were still "laid up in the bed".  I told her she better go wake them up and that Andrea would probably want her to cook some lemon chicken.  She laughed then.  When at her house she would not only cook she would prepare the plates and bring them directly to you.  I have seen one of the children not like what she cooked and she would get up and go cook another meal for them.  One time I had a virus and soiled my clothing while driving to her house after work.  I went in and told her and immediately changed clothes.  She came to get the clothes from me to wash.  I told her to please let me do it.  She refused to let me and took them to clean.  Granny ALWAYS put others above herself.

Granny led a very simple life.  She did not like to leave home very often. Billy always said this is because she did not have money and did not want anyone to have to pay her way.  Her pleasures were watching Alabama football and watching the cable television news.  I always jokingly called her "Mrs. Spann" (for those reading this not from our local area James Spann is our local TV meteorologist).  She could always tell you exactly what the weather forecast was and exactly what was going on in the news.

Granny's life changed on 9/4/2011 when rains from Tropical Storm Lee flooded her home.  She came to our home that night and remained through the end of October.  Her daughter Carolyn had lived with her since August of 2006.  We had not realized how severe Granny's dementia had progressed until she was living in our home.  We loved Granny and gave it our best shot at maintaining her in our household but it was readily apparent that she required more custodial and medical care than we were able to give.  During this time we learned that she had not been taken for medical care for 3 1/2 years.  Granny was wandering during the night.  She was hallucinating and would have yelling and screaming spells.  We  have two flights of stairs in our home and we were fearful that she would fall.  She would open our back door in the middle of the night to let her dog out and go outside.  We feared for her safety.  We had no one else to help us with her.  I homeschooled the girls then and now.  They were unable to sleep and had become extremely difficult to manage due to the stress in our home.  I consulted my brother's wife, Amy, who worked in a nursing home.  She recommended that I contact the geriatric psychiatry unit at Princeton for help.  I called and she was admitted.  She had a two week stay and was started on medication for dementia.  The hospital psychiatrist and the social worker emphatically told us that Granny could NOT be left alone and that she required 24 hour supervision.  We did not have the financial resources to provide for full time around the clock in hour care for nursing home was our only option.  It was a painful decision for us but when we were instructed by the hospital staff it was out of our hands.

Granny went to Self Nursing home and was placed on the dementia unit.  There were eleven other little ladies her age.  She thrived and was happier than we had ever seen her in her life.  For those of you who know Granny it is will known that she was a no-frills kind of lady.  She wore no jewelry, no make-up, only wore jeans and t-shirts or sweatshirts, and her hair was straight and pulled back in a ponytail.  The first week at the nursing home we were there one night visiting her.  She looked at him and said "Billy will you give me money to get a perm?" I wanted to fall out of my chair.  I looked around and all the little ladies had short permed hair! Peer pressure was still strong at eighty years old.  Granny got that perm and several others after that and looked beautiful.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas with her in 2011.  In January she developed a severe UTI and pneumonia.  We thought we were losing her then.  She never fully recovered and continued to decline.  It was extremely painful for us to watch.  Dementia is a cruel disease.  You see the body of the person you love but the person you love starts to gradually go absent.

Billy has been the most devoted son that I have ever seen in my life.  When Granny was at our house he would very gently help her hang her head over our kitchen sink and he would wash her hair.  He would help her to get in and out of the bath tub.  When she was in the hospital she was fearful at night.  For weeks on end he would work all day long and then go straight to the hospital in his dirty work clothes.  He would sleep in a chair.  He would leave the hospital in time to come home and shower and go right back to work only to repeat the same scenario the next day.  I offered multiple times to go stay with her and let him stay home and rest but he said "She is my responsibility".  He very rarely missed a night going to the nursing home.  In the last months she would not eat dinner if he did not go to feed her.  He would work all day and then go straight to the nursing home.  He would stand at his mother's bedside and encourage her to intake enough calories to sustain her life.  He showed her the utmost love, honor, and respect during her life.  Prior to our marriage almost thirteen years ago now he told me that "no one would ever come before his mother".  He has a strong love for me but obviously his love for his mother was different.  He was letting me know how much she meant to him.

We knew when we left for China to adopt our precious newest angel Maya Grace that Granny was on hospice and that there was a possibility that she could leave us before we returned home.  I offered to travel alone to bring Maya Grace home but Billy wanted us to come as a family.  Many of you know our extremely difficult adoption journey.  We just could not let ourselves believe that God would take Granny while we were gone.  Rachel and the nursing home contacted us to let us know of Granny's decline.  We held on to the belief that she would improve.  This was not in God's plan.  When Billy knew of Granny's decline we began researching what it would take to get him home.  Due to the nature of our airline tickets we would have had to pay $300 plus the difference in the cost of the flight.  We were looking at this option yesterday when we learned that Granny had passed on from this life.  Due to the astronomical cost of holiday flights we had to come to China a few days early and must stay a few days later.  At this point Maya Grace is a Chinese citizen and will travel to the US on a Chinese passport with a US visa.  As of today we do not yet have permission for her to enter the US.  We had our consulate appt. this morning.  We must remain in China through 1/4.  To change the airline tickets for the five of us would cost around $6000 and we can not afford that cost.  Even though I have told Billy that I could manage the girls alone and that he could return home he refuses to leave us.  He said today that Granny is gone and that there is nothing more that he can do for her.  He told our guide today that he has lost Granny and that he can not risk leaving us and letting something happening to us too.  I have never seen him so distraught.  It is hard when you see your 6'4", 230 pound husband sobbing his eyes out.

Unfortunately there are those who are judging Billy and our family for not immediately coming home.  Unfortunately Facebook is a breeding ground for drama and we are seeing posts.  Being in a foreign country 6000 miles from home does not make it logistically easy to suddenly change plans especially when five people and an international adoption are involved.   Billy said that he knows that Granny would not want him leaving us.  I can not begin to understand God's timing but I am assured in His word that His timing is perfect.  Why God chose to have Granny leave us now I do not know.  We are trusting God to get us through.  We loved Granny and were completely devoted to her.  We were at her side continuously for the last year and a half.  She knew she was loved.  She would readily tell anyone that "Billy loves his Momma".  The body that remains is her shell.  When she took her last breath her soul and spirit went to heaven. We are very saddened for Rachel that she is having to bear the burden of burying Granny alone.  Our hearts are aching for her.  Billy is proud of the young woman that Rachel has become and of the maturity she has shown to pay proper respects to Granny. The funeral home would have held Granny's body until we return home on 1/9 but we did not feel it was fair to others who need to grieve and have closure to wait over a week.  We know that Granny is looking down on all of us.  We will see her again one day.  We are relieved that she is now healthy and whole and that she is not suffering.  She would not have wanted to live in that state that she was in.  We are finding joy thinking that she is being rejoined with her sisters and hoping that the "Bear" will cross her path quickly.  We love you Granny! You were one of a kind.  Oh, and Roll Tide!